#CHURCHTALK 08: Does the Bible Insist on Monogamy?

Before preparing to develop this article, a simple answer to this question from me would have been, Yes! And I would quickly proceed to opening Matthew 19:3-6.

Matthew 19:3-6 [KJV] 
3. The Pharisees also came unto him, tempting him, and saying unto him, is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause? 
4. And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that He which made them at the beginning made them male and female, 
5. And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? 
6. Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. 

And I would just expect that passage to put the entire argument to rest.

#ChurchTalk Stories: We relocated to Warri and I was forced to go to a school I didn’t like because that was what my mum could afford after her breakup with my dad. With anger in my heart, I banged the school gate and it was a tall young boy with a “senior prefect badge” that opened the gate. 

But after going through several articles on the subject, I intend to be a bit more intentional in responding to this question.

My interpretation of the passage quoted above begins by recognizing that there is an existing pattern to conjugal relations between a man and a woman.

This is because, as we can see, in Jesus' response to a question about “divorce”, He makes reference to passages found in Genesis 1:27 & 2:24, which are excerpts of God’s creation story.

The passages show God creating two human beings (Female after the Male). And from the lips of Adam, on seeing his wife Eve, made declarations that a man would leave his father and mother and cleave to a woman (pay emphasis to the use of singulars – one man, one woman); and this seemed to be the pattern which Christ was alluding to.

Still, a common argument has been: if polygamy which is the opposite of monogamy and simply tries to describe a marriage union between more than a heterosexual male and a heterosexual female was not God’s pattern, why did He accept it in well known Bible characters like Abraham, David, Solomon, etc?
This is how I would first love to approach this challenge. (The reason I love scripture is in summary what was stated in 2 Tim 3:16-17: All scripture was written unbiasedly, without hiding of anything; by the pure inspiration of God who uses it to extend His love to me, which corrects me, guides me, chatises me and builds me up.) 

#ChurchTalk Stories: He was lost gazing at me for a second; it was love at first sight for him. He was resilient till I eventually agreed to date him after secondary school. 

Let me explain: Why would the scripture speak of David’s affair with Bathsheba? That is a piece of history that could be done away with; but no, the Bible is unashamed, so that I can see what the impact of illicit affairs could be in the life of a man in relationship with God, [and indeed himself too].

If you agree with me on this point, what I would love to ask is this: Of these famous men who chose to engage in polygamy, were the outcomes of their marriages such that you are comfortable with?

See also: #ChurchTalk 04: What does the Bible Say about Sex? 

Remember Abraham, Sarah and Hagar brouhaha? Or would you rather talk about the striving that existed in Jacob’s house? We need to appreciate the following facts:

1. Abraham took Hagar in an extreme situation; and you would notice that Isaac was monogamous.
2. Jacob was deceived into multiple marriages. Polygamy was not his intention.
3. Even when we can assume that people were engaging more and more in multiple marriages, God, through Moses had to ensure that certain men did not use it as an avenue to subject their wives to suffering – Exodus 21:10 [KJV]: If he take him another wife; her food, her raiment, and her duty of marriage, shall he not diminish. (active word is “if”). God will never override our freewill; even though He could bring something beautiful from our mistakes, as He brought Solomon out of the affair of David and Bathsheba.
4. Speaking of Solomon; his multiple wives led him away from God, as well as were a contradiction to the clause God gave to those who would be kings of Israel in Deuteronomy 17:15-17: [15]Thou shalt in any wise set him king over thee, whom the LORD thy God shall choose: one from among thy brethren shalt thou set king over thee: thou mayest not set a stranger over thee, which is not thy brother. [16]But he shall not multiply horses to himself, nor cause the people to return to Egypt, to the end that he should multiply horses: forasmuch as the LORD hath said unto you, Ye shall henceforth return no more that way. [17]Neither shall he multiply wives to himself, that his heart turn not away: neither shall he greatly multiply to himself silver and gold. (Remember that God initially didn’t even want the Jews to have kings, but eventually relaxed on that because they had chosen to seek for a king anyways).

#ChurchTalk Stories: Love can be found anywhere, anytime and at any age. Learn to nurture it healthily if it comes early. My name is Mrs. Efe Justice. I’ve been married to the love of my life, Justice Adigho, for 5 years, after a 7-year relationship. I found love in High school.

To round off this part of the article, I would like us to take a look at Malachi 2:14.

Malachi 2:14 [KJV] 
14. Yet ye say, Wherefore? Because the LORD hath been witness between thee and the wife of thy youth, against whom thou hast dealt treacherously: yet is she thy companion, and the wife of thy covenant.

In this chapter, God was dictating to Israel ways in which they had turned aside from Him and needed to correct themselves by activating their freewill in making the right choices. Then in verse 14, God speaks of the relationship of men to the wife of their youth. Notice again the emphasis in the singular in that remark.

See also: Will Man's Sexual Appetite Lead him to a Tipping Point? 

At this juncture, I would like to state that I believe God meant a marriage relationship to exist between a man and a woman, and not multiple. And this is further validated by the fact that even though He permitted it in the lives of some people He worked with, that didn’t exempt them from receiving the attendant consequences that followed.

This would explain why, in 1000A.D, Rabbi Gershom outrightly banned polygamy in Judaism for the following reasons:

1. To prevent people from taking advantage of their wives. 
2. To prevent potential infighting between rival wives, which may lead to the transgression of several biblical ordinances. 
3. Prevent undue suffering due to the man’s inability to provide for the family. 
4. To prevent potential incest by virtue of a man marrying wives in different locations, who in turn give birth to children that could unknowingly have relationships. 

#ChurchTalk Guest: Chika Obani, Co-host of The Obani's Show. Apart from his interest in making a defense for the gospel of Jesus Christ which he believes, Chika is also passionate about social impact through social engagement on issues facing the society. 

During the course of research, I saw an argument raised, that assuming in an extreme situation, say in a war, where the population of men are drastically reduced, would polygamy not be a viable solution? But my counter question is, if the population skew is to the opposite, where there are more men than women for whatever reason, would women be allowed to take more than one husband?

In closing, let me state that with all the abuse of man’s freewill in our relationship with God, life and other people, God, in His love, has tried to make sure that we do not unjustly use or abuse one another. And I believe that the concept of monogamy would fit this picture of God’s love that I am trying to paint.

Having said all these, suffice it now to conclude by saying that, without any shadow of doubt, it is in a monogamous relationship that both sexes are brought unto an equal platform, to serve and submit to one another in a harmony that depicts the love that Christ has for His bride, the Church.

1 Corinthians 7:1-5 [KJV] 
1. Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman.
2. Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.
3. Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband.
4. The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.
5. Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.

Ephesians 5:25
25. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;


Chika Obani is a Father, husband and a materials and metallurgical engineer. He is also a co-host of The Obani Show. You can join Chika's mailing list here, to get notified of new episodes of the show weekly.


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FURTHER READING
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polygamy_in_Christianity
https://creation.com/does-the-bible-clearly-teach-monogamy
https://www.focusonthefamily.com/family-qa/biblical-perspectives-on-polygamy-and-polyamory/
https://www.biblesociety.org.uk/explore-the-bible/bible-articles/bible-qa-when-did-monogamy-become-the-norm/
https://www.biblicalfoundations.org/monogamy/
https://www.queertheology.com/bible-polyamory/
https://www.researchgate.net/post/The_Christian_Marriage_System
https://www.chabad.org/library/article_cdo/aid/770990/jewish/Why-Does-Torah-Law-Allow-Polygamy.htm
https://www.chabad.org/library/article_cdo/aid/558598/jewish/Does-Jewish-Law-Forbid-Polygamy.htm
https://www.patheos.com/blogs/lovejoyfeminism/2015/03/monogamy-isnt-biblical-its-roman.html
https://www.gotquestions.org/monogamy-Bible.html
https://www.biblestudytools.com/topical-verses/polygamy-in-the-bible/
https://www.crosswalk.com/family/marriage/god-s-plans-for-marriage-dealing-with-old-testament-polygamy.html