#CHURCHTALK 04: What Does the Bible say About Sex?

Today's world is inundated by sex and sexual appeal. We see it in everything: social media, movies, while walking by yourself on the streets, in schools/campuses, in churches, at parties, and in almost every sort of TV or billboard advertisement. Sometimes, one is tempted to ask, "What does a woman in a bikini have to do with advertising cars?"

The frenzy with which many people of various generations have pursed sexual gratification in any and every way they could think up, continues to be the underlying reason for the prevalence (and I even dare say "acceptance") of premarital sex, and extra-marital sex too in numerous cultures of the world today.

But, on the flip side, because of her doctrine of righteousness and purity, a very large proportion of churches today, in their bid to distance themselves form premarital and extra-marital sex, have become silent on the topic of sex altogether, and whether or not the Bible says something about it or not. The church seems largely reactionary towards sex. And their reaction is mostly that of condemnation.

Because of this attitude the church has towards sex, it is almost as if the very word is sinful. So, as a result of the influence of religion on man, almost every person you meet and are discussing anything with, is likely to reduce the tone of their voice when they mention the word "vagina", or "penis", or "clitoris", or "breast", or "sexual organ". However, when saying the word "hand" or "eye" or "liver" or "tongue", or "body part", their voice tones are at normal (or sometimes higher-than-normal) level. Then, you may wonder, "Aren't all of them body parts?" So, why the sudden change in voice tone?

Is sex a bad thing? Can it be a bad thing? Can people have sex anytime? Is it a good thing? Is sex important in human life? Is it ever wrong to have sex? Is sex meant only for making babies? Should we be shy about having sex? Well, the Bible does answer all of these questions in a clear manner. And these are the answers we seek to present in today's edition of #ChurchTalk on The Paul Anunaso Blog.

We shall also share a very interesting video of Pastor David Ibiyeomie of Salvation Ministries, Port Harcourt, Nigeria, teaching on the subject.

Is Sex a Bad Thing?
The simple answer to this question is NO.

Genesis 2:25
And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.

Clearly, the first instruction that God gave to Adam and Eve was to "increase and multiply". That means, "to procreate" or to have children. It's no surprise then, that He left them both naked; and they were not ashamed of it. They were supposed to get to it already. So, sex is not a bad thing, and so is nothing to be shy about.

Can Sex be a Bad Thing?
The answer is YES. The Bible teaches that sex should be enjoyed ONLY within the confines of marriage. So, having sex with someone to whom you are not married is frowned at by scriptural teaching.

1 Corinthians 7:2
Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband

The Message Bible version puts it this way:

"Sexual drives are strong, but marriage is strong enough to contain them and provide for a balanced and fulfilling sexual life in a world of sexual disorder." 1 Corinthians 7:2

This means that marriage is the only platform within which sex and sexual expressions are acceptable as pure, and are meant to be fulfilled as a matter of necessity.

Why is Sex a Bad Thing Outside Marriage?
The best answer to this question is found in the book of Proverbs (which is a book of admonition and instruction in the Bible).

Proverbs 5:15-18 [NLT]
15. Drink water from your own well— share your love only with your wife.
16. Why spill the water of your springs in the streets, having sex with just anyone?
17. You should reserve it for yourselves. Never share it with strangers.
18. Let your wife be a fountain of blessing for you. Rejoice in the wife of your youth.

In addition to this, sex outside marriage comes at a hefty price: your soul and communion with God. The pleasure is sweet, but destroys your soul.

1 Corinthians 6:9-10 [NLT] 
Don’t you realize that those who do wrong will not inherit the Kingdom of God? Don’t fool yourselves. Those who indulge in sexual sin, or who worship idols, or commit adultery, or are male prostitutes, or practice homosexuality, - none of these will inherit the Kingdom of God. 

In addition to these, there are often negative spiritual repercussions associated with premarital or extra-marital sex. The Bible calls it "a great foolishness".

Proverbs 5:20-23 [NLT] 
20. Why be captivated, my son, by an immoral woman, or fondle the breasts of a promiscuous woman?
21. For the Lord sees clearly what a man does, examining every path he takes.
22. An evil man is held captive by his own sins; they are ropes that catch and hold him.
23. He will die for lack of self-control; he will be lost because of his great foolishness.

Is Sex Important in Human Life?
Scripturally, sex is so important in human life that the only time that married people are advised (not even commanded) to make a concession on not having sex is when they want to fast and pray.

1 Corinthians 7:5-6 [NLT] 
5. Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won’t be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
6. I say this as a concession, not as a command.

It is however important to also note that the only reason why the Bible encourages sex in the new testament is because of the lack of self-control. So, those who have a special ability from God to excersise self-control are also encouraged not to marry nor have sex if they truly don't want to. In Apostle Paul's opinion, that way, they can give more undivided attention to the things of God.

1 Corinthians 7:7-9 [AMP] 
7. I wish that all men were like I myself am [in this matter of self-control]. But each has his own special gift from God, one of this kind and one of another.
8. But to the unmarried people and to the widows, I declare that it is well (good, advantageous, expedient, and wholesome) for them to remain [single] even as I do.
9. But if they have not self-control (restraint of their passions), they should marry. For it is better to marry than to be aflame [with passion and tortured continually with ungratified desire].

1 Corinthians 7:32-37 [NLT] 
32. I want you to be free from the concerns of this life. An unmarried man can spend his time doing the Lord’s work and thinking how to please him.
33. But a married man has to think about his earthly responsibilities and how to please his wife.
34. His interests are divided. In the same way, a woman who is no longer married or has never been married can be devoted to the Lord and holy in body and in spirit. But a married woman has to think about her earthly responsibilities and how to please her husband.
35. I am saying this for your benefit, not to place restrictions on you. I want you to do whatever will help you serve the Lord best, with as few distractions as possible.
36. But if a man thinks that he’s treating his fiancée improperly and will inevitably give in to his passion, let him marry her as he wishes. It is not a sin.
37. So the person who marries his fiancée does well, and the person who doesn’t marry does even better.

Is Sex Meant Only for Making Babies? Should we be Shy about it? 
The simple answer to both questions is NO. Because God commanded Adam and Eve to "increase and multiply", most people tend to think of sex as merely a baby-making-activity. Well, yes, it is for making babies, but that's not all there is to it.

Songs of Solomon 7:6-13 [NLT]
6. Oh, how beautiful you are! How pleasing, my love, how full of delights!
7. You are slender like a palm tree, and your breasts are like its clusters of fruit.
8. I said, “I will climb the palm tree and take hold of its fruit.” May your breasts be like grape clusters, and the fragrance of your breath like apples.
9. May your kisses be as exciting as the best wine, flowing gently over lips and teeth.
10.  I am my lover’s, and he claims me as his own.
11.  Come, my love, let us go out to the fields and spend the night among the wildflowers.
12.  Let us get up early and go to the vineyards to see if the grapevines have budded, if the blossoms have opened, and if the pomegranates have bloomed. There I will give you my love.
13.  There the mandrakes give off their fragrance, and the finest fruits are at our door, new delights as well as old, which I have saved for you, my lover.

Proverbs 5:18-19 [NLT]
18. Let your wife be a fountain of blessing for you. Rejoice in the wife of your youth.
19. She is a loving deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts satisfy you always. May you always be captivated by her love.

Sex is beyond just a physical-biological activity. It is in fact a very spiritually and emotionally intense activity, which binds together the spirits of the participants.

During sex, your spirits are rubbing-off on each other, and you're gaining access into each other's souls. Ever wondered why a wife or husband can so accurately tell the feelings, thought-process or psychological inclination of one another after sometime in marriage? A lot of spiritual exchange has taken place over multiple times of love-making.

Sex is also meant for the satisfaction of each partner's erotic and emotional needs. This is a strong binding force in marriage. It is meant to be enjoyed in full by both parties. While on the bed, each person is meant to freely express themselves and have their needs met by their partner. Hence, each person should make an effort to discover their spouse's sexual needs, and work together to fulfill them. Sexual fulfillment is important for emotional and spiritual stability in marriage.

1 Corinthians 7:2- [NLT]
2. But because there is so much sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman should have her own husband.
3. The husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband’s needs.
4. The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife.

Note: The Greek word for "have" in verse 2 doesn't just mean "to possess" or "to get" a wife or husband. Rather, it primarily suggests the activity of getting and giving sexual satisfaction to one's wife or husband.

There is often the erroneous cultural notion that men's sexual needs are paramount in the bedroom. This has made many men ignorant about the need to ensure sexual satisfaction for their wives too. They often rush over sex and get on with other daily activities, leaving the woman unsatisfied, lusting and wanting more. And this is a cause of most marital problems today. As can be seen here, this cultural notion is wrong and ungodly. Both the man and the woman deserve full benefits and benevolence from each other while on the bed.

During sex, men are more interested in the activity of sex itself. But women are more interested in the emotions created during the activities of sex. This note ought to be taken by all men.

The Message Bible translation puts it this way:

The marriage bed must be a place of mutuality—the husband seeking to satisfy his wife, the wife seeking to satisfy her husband. Marriage is not a place to “stand up for your rights.” Marriage is a decision to serve the other, whether in bed or out. 1 Corinthians 7:2-4

The sort of straight language the Bible uses in addressing the sex question resoundingly indicates that there is nothing to be ashamed of about sex, as long as you're having it with your married partner. Hence, there should be no shyness when you are making love with your husband or wife.

However, Proverbs 5 advises discretion in discussing your private sexual escapades in the bedroom publicly. They should be kept private between you and your spouse. Sex is both powerful and sacred in marriage. Sacred things should be spoken of with discretion, out of respect for its power.

Does the Bible Condone Homosexuality? 
The answer to this question is NO. In fact, the Bible clearly mentions and rejects homosexuality, with the punishment of eternal condemnation attached.

1 Corinthians 6:9-10 [NLT] 
Don’t you realize that those who do wrong will not inherit the Kingdom of God? Don’t fool yourselves. Those who indulge in sexual sin, or who worship idols, or commit adultery, or are male prostitutes, or practice homosexuality, - none of these will inherit the Kingdom of God.

What Does the Bible say About Adultery?
Interestingly, especially in the new testament, neither Jesus, nor any of His apostles gives any instruction or commandment to the single specifically in the issue of having sex. But, there are clear instructions given to the married about when having sex is right or wrong.

The term "sexual immorality" is used a lot by the apostles in giving commandments about sexual purity. But the term refers to both premarital and extra-marital affairs.
No particular reason is given for not giving specific instructions to singles about it, but, we can deduce that the reason cannot be far-fetched from the already established order which makes sex exclusively for the married, and no one else.

So, what does the Bible say about adultery?

Matthew 5:27-28 [AMP] 
27. You have heard that it was said, You shall not commit adultery.
28. But I say to you that everyone who so much as looks at a woman with evil desire for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

The Message Bible version says it this way:

“You know the next commandment pretty well, too: ‘Don’t go to bed with another’s spouse.’ But don’t think you’ve preserved your virtue simply by staying out of bed. Your heart can be corrupted by lust even quicker than your body. Those leering looks you think nobody notices—they also corrupt. Matthew 5:27-28

Not only does Jesus condemn the very act of adultery, He also condemns the thoughts that lead to it as adultery too. And His instructions to the married in this regard ought to be a model for those who are unmarried.



Chukwubuikem Paul Anunaso is a civil/structural engineer. He is also the editor of The Paul Anunaso Blog, and can be reached at anunaso.cp@gmail.com



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