#CHURCHTALK 39: Feminism and the unpopular side of the "Proverbs 31 woman"

The thirty-first chapter of the book of Proverbs was written as King Solomon's reflections about what he had been taught through precept and practice by his own mother.

These lessons had become a burden (prophecy) to him, perhaps because he now felt the weight of his own failure to live by them, and hence a form of instruction he now intended to pass on to those who would receive it.

The chapter is popular, especially in Christian circles, as a very pleasant and inspiring description of a "virtuous woman"—a term that is too often disassociated from by most feminists, largely due to the perception that it embodies and confers too much religious and moral servitude and responsibility on women, over and above what is nominal and required of men.

While this assessment is found true in society (no thanks to many decades of cultural ignorance), is the decoupling from the Proverbs 31 values by feminist men and women necessary as a solution? Or does it display a new ignorance that helps advance the problem? I think it does the latter. 

Indeed, a critical look at what it says in its early verses shows that Proverbs 31 values do not promote feminist values of gender equality, but gender uniqueness. And it does so in such a manner that could indeed make men jealous of the enormous power it shows that women wield. But then, it's not even about the power. It's more about love, faith and hope. 

The early verses of the chapter, which is the last of the book of Proverbs, show in raw terms the massive influence a woman has in shaping a man's way of thinking, ideology and success-ability and level. The influence is so massive that it is even prophetic! Solomon was that much taken by it. 

The first ten verses of the chapter echo the fact that virtuous women know what their man needs in order to succeed, and that the man is often oblivious about it or disobedient to it—as Solomon was. She envisioned her man Solomon's life's mission, and sought to give him the compass that would take him safely to the achievement of the mission, even before he himself could clearly conceive it. 

Make no mistake about it: Solomon's kingship fell short of expectation. The man was blessed like none other had been with wisdom, yet his personal failings, occasioned by the lack of adherence to instructions or mentorship, led him astray into decisions which cost him the unity of his kingdom, resulting in an unexpected breakup of the throne. I believe that he opened this chapter of proverbs reflecting on those failings. 

A virtuous woman's teachings and ministry in her son's life are so consequential, unique and necessary to build him into a qualitative man of greatness—if he'll receive it. 

The early verses (2-9) of the chapter seem to teach that men are born to be great, but that it is the woman's teaching and vision that implants within them the compass they must follow to get there. Feminists know this and agree on it. But I only disagree with those of them who believe that this makes women men, equal with men, or even superior to men. Rather, I believe it makes them unique to men.

In Proverbs 31, a woman teaches by precept what a man should be, while a man instructs by prophetic words derived from observing his own mother's practice, what a qualitative woman should be like. This is the most balanced single chapter of biblical writing on the subject of gender, and it appears to endorse uniqueness over equality between the two genders.

The "Proverbs 31 woman" is popular as a virtuous woman to her husband, but she's seldom popular as her son's compass to greatness. This confers a great deal of responsibility on women (as you can only give what you do have), and requires wisdom of men in listening to their women. 

Verse two shows that she related with her son at two primary levels:

"Son of my womb" — meaning she saw herself as his procreator and primary caregiver.

And

"Son of my vows" — meaning that she saw him as her object of worship! Think about this again because it is deep. She felt the weight of the responsibility to raise her son well as a service to the purposes of God on the earth. This is not trivial.

Raising her son well was very important to her mission. It is very important that women teach their sons, question their sons, and actually train them for where they see them going to in life. 

The girl child needs to keep getting trained. But the boy child also needs to be trained as well. He shouldn't be left to himself in making life's choices or to live as he sees fit. The same level of attention should be given to ensure that the boy child is able to freely communicate his challenges, emotions and proclivities, without the fear of being judged to be less than a man. 

The obvious consequence of not training boys as well as girls is that the girls will grow up to be with untrained men who, like Solomon, have the greatest resources, but lack the basic levels of discipline and training required to ensure a lasting legacy. 

In this season of love and attention, I hope that every woman will do just as much to ensure they're raising their boys well as they do their girls. 

It's great that you monitor your girl child's activities and are always at hand to give advise and rebuke them when they go wrong, but I hope that you do just the same for your boy child...and always.

The "Proverbs 31 woman" was first praised for the teachings she gave her son, for her understanding of the things that make a man great, for teaching her son to do those things, and for exemplifying those things in her son's presence, as his father's wife...in that order.

Source: Pexels

Her vision of her son was the vision of a leader. She wanted him to follow the path that would make him one: a man who would respect and value others enough to speak and act for their good and advancement. This was how she saw leadership and greatness—serving other's needs. 

Teaching your son to be useful at home will be his first lessons in leadership. Teaching him to value every person and to work for the good and advancement of the people, even from those whom he draws no direct benefit, will become his compass to greatness as a leader.

To every woman reading this, whether he is your son, brother, nephew or dependent, I hope you'll do your best to love and attend to teaching, instructing and rebuking him, as much as you do to your daughters, sisters or nieces. 

Feminists may say that this sounds like too much responsibility for women, but the "Proverbs 31 woman" saw it as her act of love and worship. I see it as true girl-power, something that no man can ever have nor attain.

To the men reading this, learn to listen to and heed the women in your life, especially your wife and mother—they share the ministry of the Holy Spirit in your life. 

In this season of love, I have the perfect idea of a worthy gift: Call or visit your son, brother, husband, or that special man that you care about and feel like you're well-positioned to bless, and take a minute or some to talk to him about his life's direction, his vision, his mistakes, his fears, his challenges, his failures, and his commitment to principles. Be gracious, be kind, be generous, but be firm too. Rebuke him if you need to, encourage or advice him if you need to, help him if you can, or just hear him out graciously. Love is kind and gracious. 

To the men, love yourself: be wise and listen to the women that God has given you. Do not be headstrong. Break from every societal idea that makes what should be gracious masculinity, toxic. Be real, reject pretence and be humble. This will be your greatest gift to both yourself and the women in your life. 

Let us all be kind and gracious to each other. 

Maranatha. 

Chukwubuikem Paul Anunaso, a civil/structural engineer in Lagos, Nigeria is also the editor of The Paul Anunaso Blog. He can be reached at anunaso.cp@gmail.com