How Social Media is Ruining Marriages Today

I kind of find it alarming that couples today get married for various reasons except for companionship. I feel that the primary aim of marriage is for both parties (the man and the woman) to become partners, companions. To build their lives and that of their new family, together.

Strangely, this notion has longer been thrown into the dumpster, and social media made sure of that. Because of the fancies and glitters that are evident all over social media: the pretty, 'sexy' ladies, and the 'fresh', good-looking guys, the major purpose for marriage is being neglected.

People now focus more on the physical attributes of the individual they intend to marry rather than looking inwards, checking the maturity and emotional intelligence of the person before deciding to tie the knot with them. I find this inappropriate and I am going to share a few of my encounters (all on social media) to buttress my point.

Labake and Mojeed

A lady friend of mine posted a video on her WhatsApp status about a newly-wedded couple. In the video, as they were on their way home, the groom stopped the caravan of cars that were escorting him and his lovely bride. He alighted from the car, leaving the bride inside, and started dancing along with his friends right there on the road.

I understand the joy and satisfaction one would feel after getting married, and flamboyantly at that. So, I have no problems with the act. But what I didn't accept was the comment that my lady-friend attached to the video clip. She said; "look at how the groom is fine, how can one get this type?". I was bewildered with the question, and quickly replied to her with; "looking fine and showing off is not the issue; being a good husband is"

Nonso and Chinedu

You see, people get married now just to show-off their 'sexy' wife or their 'good looking' hubby on social media. Is that the right significance of getting married? Do you want to build the rest of your life on the physical characteristics of a person? Characteristics that would wane as time goes by.

You want to marry a cute guy and after showing him off on social media, later on, he ceases to have any form of regard for you. He beats you up, he womanizes, and he possesses every other ugly trait that makes you uncomfortable and unhappy. Rather than value happiness and prioritize it when making our decisions, we now value and prioritize momentary glitters.

You want to marry a "hot" lady and show her off on social media, and after that, you discover that she really has no respect for you; talks back at you and all that.

Photo credit: Newdawnweddings

Let me share with you another experience on social media: a lady tweeted that "men won't use the week to play FIFA (the video game), but it's during the weekend when their girlfriends come over for some 'tender loving', that's when they will start playing video games".

After reading the tweet, I couldn't help but laugh heartily. I know within me that the guy whom the lady is referring to lacks emotional intelligence. He doesn't understand women and their needs. But I also thought maybe the guy has a fine face. He must be good looking because obviously, the lady couldn't have been attracted to him by his immaturity. She decided to prioritize his good looks over his intelligence or maturity, and now she's paying for it.

Photo credit: Newdawnweddings

Please let's be careful. Marriage is not something to be handled carelessly with kid gloves. Physical appearances can be deceitful, hence they should not be the primary factor in deciding who your spouse will be. Study the individual, does she/he behave responsibly? What is his/her goal in life? Is he/she hardworking and resourceful? Can you live with him/her forever? These and many more are the sorts of questions, you should ask yourself.

Not all that glitter is gold. Do not set yourself up to end up being a punching bag to one good looking Mike Tyson or one sexy Jezebel, because when the commotion comes, all your showing off on social media would have been for nothing. None of your friends on Instagram, Facebook, Whatsapp, etc. would come to your aid. You will be left alone to carry your cross. After all, there’s only two of you in the marriage, not more.

Photo credit: Newdawnweddings

So, my friends, I urge you: while choosing a spouse, stop thinking about how both of you will look when you post your photos on social media and start thinking of how this man/woman can add value to your life; how you can both improve each other. It’s not everyone that you can help to improve. Not everyone can be receptive of the kind of value which you bring with you.

Making people jealous on social media is not the aim of marriage, inspiring people to find their better halves and to do it right should be.

Put the horse before the cart while choosing your spouse and I can assure you that you both will live happily till death do you part.

Chima Onunwa, a HR enthusiast writes from Lagos, Nigeria. He can be contacted via Facebook @Chima Onunwa (The Great One)